Learning to Validate My Guy

My new Me Time routine during the week comes after putting Chunks to bed and catching up on Oprah's new show Lifeclass. In this series, Ms. O reviews some of her memorable episodes and discusses with the audience what she took away from the show and the message it has on all of our lives. So far, this show has hit me in so many ways and I wished someone told me these things this way when I was growing up, but hey, you live and you learn and now I can teach these lessons. Anyway, I digress...last night's episode really peeked my interest because Ms. Toni Morrison was the feature and she said something that really go to me,

"When your children walk into the room do your eyes light up?"  

Wow! She explained that when her children used to come into the room she would immediately inspect their shoes, make sure their shirts were tucked in, and hair was in place and her children then always put up a guard waiting for what was wrong with me now or she was so engrossed in her conversation she didn't acknowledge them. It made me think of my childhood and I could totally relate. What she said helped was finding that she was their main source of validation and she wasn't giving them what they needed and decided to change the way she acknowledge her children. 

As humans, we all look for the sense of worth and value and our childhood is the mold that we grow from so when that foundation is cracked we're leaving a mark on our kids that they in turn pass on to those in their lives. Trying hard to be super mom right now, there have been times that I'm so into what I'm doing that Chunks can run in and out of the room and I not look up from my books or the computer and that needs to change a bit. There have been times when he comes over with his cars or books just begging for my attention and those are the times I feel it most. When he was smaller, any time I saw him I burst into one of those annoying, new mom "HIIIIIII Handsome!" or "Hey Chunk-a-Monk" lol yea I said it! but as life happens you can get side tracked.

What I learned from the class was when you change that and give your children that validation it gives them a sense of value and confidence and ultimately "changes the relationship you are having with them". SO back to old ways because Chunks has to know he is special, he is priceless, and he is worth my time and attention, and that he is the sparkle of Mommy's eye.