Tuesday, February 22, 2011
There was a time when I had a pretty large number of friends and people I hung out with. I remember blushing and feeling great at birthday and graduation speeches that friends would make using the line "Candace is the greatest friend you could ever ask for", my best friend made me cry at her graduation when she thanked "the number one person she'd call to move a body". It made me feel great to be surrounded by such love and appreciation, especially when I knew how much I loved them right back!
I used to be a 'Yes Ma'am', meaning even though I didn't want to go, do it, hear it, or watch it I said yes anyway just to make someone happy. As I really grew up and into my big girl panties the word NO became easier and easier to say (I'm still working on it with new people, weird? yes I know) but I noticed how people started to just fall off. Some I was happy to say bye to, some I just had to read the benediction over the friendship and move on, and some just couldn't hang with a a-newly wed, b-mom, c-20 something with med-school ambitions. It hurt to lose my circle but I've learned that everything happens for a reason and people come and go but always with a purpose. It's something I've kept to teach Chunks when he begins making friends, to always be your own and choosing temporary discomfort over long-term resentment.
One of my major prayers right now is that God opens me back up to a few and faithful friends that will deserve my loyalty (Pisces people smh loyal to a fault) and friendship and who I will grow from just by knowing them. I've met some great people recently but I have to be honest I developed a pretty thick skin to people when it comes to reaching out and letting them in too close. I blame this mainly on not really knowing what to look for, as in red flags, the loud, out-rageous types seem to be attracted to me I guess because I'm the complete opposite lol.
In time, I'm sure. In time...